Habits
Recently a friend of mine came round to my house and noticed the book ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear on my shelf. ‘I’ve been meaning to read that’, she said, ‘is it any good?’ I replied that it is indeed a good book. Thankfully she didn’t then go on to ask me what habits I have successfully acquired since reading the book. The answer would have been none. Unless I include the habit of repeatedly trying and failing to create new habits. I have actually got better at that. Previously I would try to create a new habit, fail, and then stop trying for another six months or a year. Now I complete the try, fail, try again cycle with much more regularity.
I actually think there might be some value in the increased regularity of the try, fail, try again cycle. If I learn something from each failed cycle, then the more cycles I complete the more I will learn. Also, I get the sense that I’m ‘staying in the game’ more. I might not be winning but if I keep trying, keep plugging away I may eventually find some success.
But I’m not sure that’s the point of the book. I’m sure it must be striving for more elegant solutions than that of brute force, and hanging on in there.
The acknowledgement of failure on my part feels slightly different this time. I have a sense of let’s stop fucking around and just get on with it. I can’t repeatedly try and fail for the rest of my life. I can give up now and crack open a beer or just sort this shit out. I mean if it really does only take 30 days to develop a habit, I must surely have the wherewithal to achieve this.
And this begs the question; does it really take 30 days to build a habit? I wouldn’t know as I’ve never consciously built a habit before. Sure, I’ve developed habits before. But I’ve never said here I am developing this habit, watch as I go. I just kind of did it. And if it takes 30 days to develop a habit does this mean that at 29 days I have no habit at all and at 30 days I have an ironclad one? Or does the habit gradually become more habitualised as the days progress? What about after 30 days? Is the habit any more ingrained after 100 days than 30 days? Well, I’m not taking any chances. I will do each of the tasks which I intend to habitualise for 100 straight days. I’ve told you I’ve reached the end of my tether with this shit. 100 straight days is happening come what may.
Another question I have is, what exactly is a habit? I mean, we all have a general sense of the meaning of the word but it’s the absoluteness or otherwise of the word that is distracting me. Let’s get a couple of on-line definitions:
A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
Something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it.
A routine of behaviour that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously.
It’s the automaticity and subconscious elements that intrigue me. The tasks that I’m looking to make habit can never become entirely automatic or subconscious. It doesn’t make sense to me that after 30 days of practice I might find myself in some strange daze wandering off to the gym and then find myself performing deadlifts and squats without any conscious effort. OK I have often walked to the gym at 06:00am in a daze but it can never have been described as automatic. Similarly for meditation. Entirely subconscious meditation is simply sleep. Now it might sound like I’m being facetious and pedantic, but I think it’s relevant to note that the task becomes more automatic not entirely automatic, and therefore that we must continue to work at it even after 30 or 100 days. There is never truly a habit. The task simple becomes more habitualised.
What happens when I try to develop a habit?
My pattern is pretty similar every time I try to develop a habit. I do very well for around 10 -15 days. And then I stop. Sometimes I am at the height of engagement, where I wonder how I could ever not do this task. And then I stop. There is the strangest mental barrier that rises up, that prevents me from performing the task. It has a weird nihilistic quality to it. I start to ask myself if there is any point to doing this. There’s an emptiness, a deadness. And then I stop.
For me, I think it’s hugely important to recognise my pattern, so that I can pre-empt any issues. I know this period will come about and simply knowing that and understanding it makes it easier to overcome. For instance, I am prepared with an answer to the question, ‘why am I even doing this?’ And that is, that if I repeatedly attempt to instil this habit then I must place value on it, even if I can’t see that value right now. Let’s get through the 30 days or 100 days first and then we can reevaluate the worthiness of the task.
I also try to de-couple the task from any potential future outcome. I tell myself that the game is simply to do the task. Try not to overthink it.
Maybe it’s a dopamine lull after the initial enthusiasm, maybe it’s Amygdala playing silly buggers, I really don’t know. But I do believe it helps me to be aware of my patterns.
Long Term, Low Expectation
For some reason we build these habits up to be something they’re not. We make it feel so difficult and so challenging to, for example, exercise on a daily basis, when it really is quite a natural and simple thing to do. I think a lot of it comes down to the short-term, high expectation view many of us have. After a couple of weeks of going to the gym it feels like I’ve been going forever and look I’m still fat and out of shape. How can that be I wonder?
Now I’m looking to adopt a forever mindset, along with the view that I will welcome whatever benefits come along.
What daily habits am I trying to instil?
Morning Routine
Wake at 06:00am.
Rise at 06:10am.
Drink water.
Meditate for 10 minutes. (I have previously tried longer meditations but consider it more beneficial to establish the habit than to do irregular, longer meditations).
Go to the gym.
Journal.
Lunchtime or Evening
Go for a walk.
Progress
As I write this, I am 15 days in, and still going strong. Strangely I haven’t hit the nihilistic barrier yet. Maybe simply calling it out has weakened it. I will remain vigilant. I know the games that Amygdala can play.